38 Crazy Chuck Norris Jokes And Facts

Chuck norris joke

Forever alive, forever hilarious, forever famous. This post doesn’t require any more words – because his name is Chuck Norris. Just count the number of facts and Chuck Norris jokes previously unknown to you! In the beginning, there was nothing. But then, Chuck Norris appeared, kicked that nothing in its face with his Roundhouse and said, “Go do something.” And the Universe appeared.

  1. When Chuck Norris cries, he heals cancer. But the problem is that he never cried. Not even as a newborn.
  2. Chuck Norris doesn’t need to read your letters. He can scan everything important by touching to the paper.
  3. Chuck Norris became a real man long before his father lost his virginity.
  4. When Chuck Norris was born, he immediately drove his mother home from the hospital.
  5. Chuck Norris left a ticking time-bomb and killed 100 people. And then the bomb exploded.
  6. Chuck Norris never sleeps. He simply waits for the sun to rise up with his eyes closed.
  7. When Chuck Norris comes to the hospital for blood donation, he asks for a gun and a bucket.
  8. Chuck Norris filed a lawsuit in court against Netflix for using the titles ‘left leg’ and ‘right leg’ in their recent show without his trademark.
  9. Chuck Norris is 1/8 Asian. That’s not because of his ancestry – he ate a guy from China.
  10. If your favorite basketball team plays better than usual during this game – no doubt, that’s because Chuck Norris breathed on the players.
  11. Chuck Norris prefers a bath to shower. Because it’s easier to fill it with blood.
  12. According to Bible, Jesus made wine out of the water. Chuck Norris went further and turned wine into whiskey (not bourbon, that’s important!).
  13. Chuck Norris never goes hunting because there’s he can’t make a mistake. He goes killing.
  14. Chuck Norris has a third fist. It’s hidden behind his beard.
  15. Chuck Norris is the only human known to win a brick wall in tennis.
  16. A hit of Chuck Norris can actually change your DNA code. Even now, scientists reveal the strange cases and all they can say is, “What the hell was that?”
  17. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
  18. James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play Terminator. But then, he realized that the movie will inevitably turn into a documentary and invited Arnold Schwarzenegger.
  19. When Chuck Norris appears in the middle of the crowd, he walks through people.
  20. Chuck Norris ordered Big Mac at KFC, and they prepared it for him without even a thought of objection.
  21. On his birthday, Chuck Norris becomes so kind that chooses one lucky child and throws it to the sun.
  22. In answering any test, write “Chuck Norris” to all the questions. That’s the only way to receive the maximum points.
  23. Chuck Norris created a special kind of karate. It’s titled Chuck-Will-Kill.
  24. When Chuck Norris writes, all the words come together in a right sequence by themselves in fear.
  25. A living room in your apartment contains 1,383 objects by using which Chuck Norris can kill you (the room itself is included in this count).
  26. The opening scene of Save Private Ryan movie is based on a dodgeball game Chuck Norris played in his first grade.
  27. The fastest way to a man’s heart is the fist of Chuck Norris.
  28. The humanity evolved because Chuck Norris allowed all those people to live.
  29. When Chuck Norris enters a house, even the chairs stand up.
  30. Chuck Norris never dials a wrong number. It’s you answering a wrong phone.
  31. Chuck Norris cannot lose weight. Because he never loses.
  32. Сhuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of an apple.
  33. Chuck Norris has a polar bear carpet on a floor in his house. It’s not died, just too afraid to move.
  34. Chuck Norris has an account on Gmail. It’s gmail@chucknorris.com.
  35. Chuck Norris wears no condoms. He never needs protection (yes, there are even dirty Chuck Norris jokes, don’t be surprised!)
  36. If meet Chuck Norris on the street, don’t ask him, “What time is it now?” He’ll answer, “Two seconds till.” And by the time you wonder “Till what?” the roundhouse will already kick your face.
  37. Once Chuck Norris met the devil. He took his soul but made that common mistake by asking Chuck what time it was. After receiving a roundhouse-kick in a face and losing the taken soul, the devil highly appreciated this irony and didn’t resist. Since then, these two meet to play poker every Thursday.  
  38. You’re lucky not seeing Chuck Norris to date. Those who saw him were a couple of seconds from death.

Stay alive!

Related Posts

Previous Post Next Post

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

1 share